So tonight was really harried and crazy.
I was down most of yesterday with a migraine. LA is getting to an active age where she can’t completely be bribed with the illicit promise of Sesame Street all day (this worked much better when she was little). (And please don’t judge, I’m very anti TV for children …. but child care while having a migraine is all about survival).
Luckily it cleared up for the most part by her nap time but I was just sluggish and off my game. The house fell apart (Tuesday is kitchen/living room clean up) and I fell behind in work. Dinner was a hodge podge of things I could fix from the fridge (a few meatballs, cheesesticks, defrosted quiche and some broccoli)…. I was not a stellar wife/mama/worker bee yesterday.
Which made today crazy because I’m trying to do my normal thing AND yesterdays normal thing at the same time. On top of which LA seems to sense that mama feels better so she was at full speed.
I stupidly decided to make a nice dinner to make up for previous nights fiasco (ok really like the last weeks fiasco’s… just have been finding a lot of frustration in the kitchen lately… I guess I’m over the cooking/cleaning cycle in there lol)…. so I make some baked “fried” chicken…. LA took the opportunity of my hands covered in raw chicken to eat the crayons I’ve given her. We ended up with tons of pots and various drums all over the floor as I tried to eek out the extra minutes I needed to finish the chicken and cut up the potatoes. (As a small pat on the back we did have nice baked chicken, basalmic potato and carrots and homemade strawberry shortcake for dessert… points for me!)
Currently I’m surveying my domain and finding it quite a mess. Last night when I went to bed I also found myself longing for my previously clean (by comparison) home.
Look… it wasn’t a dream… it was real.
And here is one taken around Christmas time (we do not still have the tree btw) but the level of mess is about the same… Actually it’s probably worse as her toys and capacity to spread them about has increased….
Kitchen from right after we were fixing it up (why cabinets are not painted)
And…. I’m totally not putting a picture of my messy kitchen out there! Are you kidding?!
So while I was sulking about this I thought of my neighbors home…. it’s perfect, it’s immaculate… everything is in it’s place. There are no projects waiting to be done…. no dishes that still need to be gotten to….And I sighed from jealousy for a moment. When I suddenly remembered she has no children living with her. She lives alone.
Her family visits and she watches her grandchildren several times a week but no one is literally following behind her to make a mess out of things she just cleaned. At least not all the time.
I’m very proud of myself that while I was single I would try to capture the moment. If I started to get in a funk about being alone or still single I would remind myself that someday when I was surrounded by a husband, children and pets I might miss my singleton power to control the remote, eat cheese and shrimp for dinner and take a bath at 2 am if I felt like it. And I was right!
Not that I would change my life… I adore my life… but sometimes I do miss the ability to make household decisions that only made me happy. Sometimes I miss the fact that if I did the dishes they stayed done until I made a mess…. I didn’t walk in and find a mess someone else made.
So if I was right then I am right now…. someday I will miss this.
There will come a day when Steve and I don’t have to step over building blocks. There will not be stickers to pull from the dogs fur. I will be able to cook a meal without pulling a toddler from the dog water bowl.
And I will be sad.
This time is short… in the grand scheme of things we will move from Sesame Street school buses to Barbie dolls to Mp3 players to boys to college books to …. things left behind from visits.
When she wants me to stop cooking dinner to bang on some pots and pans with her I need to seize that moment because eventually her friends will be cooler than I am… and someday I might be not cool at all. Right now I’m one of her favorite people in the world. I’m awesome. I’m Elmo and Maximus from Tangled and Santa (not that she knows who he is yet) and everything all rolled into one miraculous Mama. I get the kisses and the love… and I only have to share her with a small corner of the world that her Daddy and I deem safe.
She’s mine… and she loves it.
Someday she’ll want to leave… and that will be good and natural in it’s own time. But this is the time to enjoy this.
Maybe it’s slightly exasperating to find that she has dumped all of her cheerios on the floor but I’m willing to bet that in 20 years I’d pay good money to happily clean it up if only to spend a bit of time with her at this age.
It’s all about perspective. So tonight I will go to bed after lovingly admiring how trashed my living room is. I will look at my incomplete kitchen as proof that I held my baby and played well with her today. And I won’t mind that I’m a bit behind in work because I stood and held her in my arms just a bit longer before bed because she wanted extra hugs.
This is MY time to not only have a messy home, but to be proud of it…. we are building a person here! And it’s a full time important job…. much more important than dishes or laundry.
…..she is worth it 🙂